From the beginning – Part 2

‘I may not know where I am going, but I will know when I get there’

Me aged 8

After leaving school I had an appointment with the careers service. I remember the day very clearly. I opened the door to the career services waiting room, to find the room was packed with other people of a similar age, I was horrified that I had to go in there and wait till my name was called. I was so shy, and was so painfully aware of everyone’s energy. I scanned the room looking for a seat, after spotting one, I quickly sat down. I soon realised my mistake, I had sat next to a couple of girls, and they proceeded to make fun of me for the next 30 minutes or so until my name was called. At the time it was fashionable to wear long dangle type earrings, and I had decided to wear them that day, and the two girls had thought it was funny to make fun of them and me for wearing them, I was relieved when my name was finally called, and I decided I would never go back to that place again.

The careers lady, asked me ‘what I wanted to do for a job’, I said ‘ I like talking to people’. During my last year at school we had work experience, and I had gone to work in a local Travel Agents. The careers lady said the Travel Agents were looking for someone, so she rang them up, and they remembered me from my work experience with them, and they offered me a job, so the following Monday, I was employed. I enjoyed working at the Travel Agents, I got to talk all day, to customers who were in a happy mood because they were booking their annual holiday.

Although I was born in Ireland, I was brought up in Nottingham, UK. The Travel Agents was located in a place called Bulwell, it was a lively place, and it had a local market three times a week. There were three of us that worked in the Travel Agents, the Manager, a Booking Clerk, and me the Junior Booking Clerk. It was a really fun place to work. The Managers Father, would bring us cream cakes every Friday, which was lovely. Because I was young and naive, I always got practical jokes played on me. Once I was sent to the local hardware shop for some ‘sky hooks’, and off I went, feeling all confident and asked the shopkeeper for the ‘sky hooks’, he burst out laughing, along with the other staff, but I still didn’t get what the joke was. I went back to work, confused, until I saw the faces of my co workers, they were laughing, and it suddenly dawned on me, what they had done, and I just cracked up laughing too.

I had various office jobs up until the age of 20. Then I left Nottingham and went to London to work as a nanny. It was an exciting job, with a lovely family. They had two children, a girl, and a boy, and I really enjoyed my time looking after them. On my first day at work, when the children were at school, there was a knock at the door. I open the door to a very tall, dark, and handsome man, he said ‘He was Bob the Builder’, and proceeded to walk straight past me into the house. I thought ‘Gosh, what an arrogant man’, I didn’t like him at first, but he came to the house everyday over the course of a week or so, to do building work on the house, and everyday I would make him tea, and we would talk. Then he asked me if I would like to go out with him and his friends one evening. So he came to pick me up, and his friends were waiting outside in the car. Bob gets into the car, and there is no room for me, so I have to sit on his lap, I later found out that he orchestrated the not being enough room for me in the car, so I would’ have to’ sit on his lap.

We moved in together after a few months, we were both 20, young and inexperienced, we got on very well, and we did make each other laugh a lot. I was really starting to struggle with life, I felt so confused, I felt so different from everyone else, I wanted to be like everyone else and I couldn’t understand why I wasn’t. I spent so much time walking around London, miles and miles. I would sit outside cafes watching people, trying to work it out, trying to remember, I was in a desperate place, but I hid what I was going through from everyone. When I was helping someone, or talking to them, I always felt happy, that part of my life made sense. I was really missing Nottingham, so Bob and I moved to Nottingham, and a year later our son Kieran was born. Within three months of Kieran’s birth, Bob had left and I was now a single parent, and we never saw him again. I was 24, I had a new baby, a dog called Benson, and a cat called Squegy, I wasn’t about to fall apart, I made a conscious decision to be the best mother I could, and do the best for my son. We were a lovely small family, and we had each other. I was very blessed, because Kieran turned out to be a lovely happy child, and we had a really lovely Mother and Son relationship.

As the years rolled on, I realised that I was a woman that very much listened to my intuition, my inner voice, I was able to read people, I knew if they were lying, and I knew things, I had an inner knowing about things and people. I would have very vivid dreams about life, truth dreams, and I still do to this day. One day when Kieran was about one years old, he was in his pushchair, and we were walking past the local secondary school, and I was looking at the children in their school uniforms, thinking that would be Kieran one day, when I heard a very clear voice that said in my mind ‘ You will not send him to that school, you have to make sure you get him educated, because he is a very clever child’, I wasn’t afraid, and I knew what I was being told was the truth. I always believed there was a spirit world, I didn’t know where that belief came from, I just knew it was true.

I never forgot what that voice said to me that day. As Kieran got older, it was very apparent that he was a very intelligent boy, and I knew despite the fact that we didn’t have much money, I would do everything I could for him to make sure he got an education. I knew some of the choices I would make over the coming years would not be popular, but they were decisions that were heart based, and were made using my intuition and my inner knowing. It was first time in my life that I really trusted myself, but I believed in the guidance I was given, and I never faulted in believing in that guidance. As I have reflected on that moment many times over my life, I see that moment, when I heard that voice, as a pivotal point in my life to remembering who I was, and why I came to this world. And I would hear that voice again, many times when important decisions were to be made.

About four years after hearing the voice, I went on a walking holiday to the Lake District. It was a guided walking holiday for a week, six days were walking days, and one rest day. On the rest day, I got dropped off for the day in a town called Keswick. Such a lovely town, with a lovely energy. I wondered around, exploring, and chatting to people. I found my way to this beautiful park, called Hope Park, and there I sat on a bench, just relaxing and taking in my surroundings. As I was relaxing, and enjoying the sun on my face, I heard the voice again, ‘This is the place to bring up your son, you must move here’. I didn’t know anything about Keswick, but as I sat on that bench, I knew this was the place, and I again trusted the guidance I was given. When I returned home from my walking holiday, I told Kieran about Keswick, and told him that one day we would move there. Over the coming years Kieran and I had many trips to Keswick. I gathered as much information as I could about the town, and I was really happy to find out that the town had an excellent Secondary School. So with that in mind, the plan was that Kieran and I would move to Keswick before Kieran started Secondary School, and that is exactly what we did. On September 26th 1999, we moved to Keswick. I didn’t know the profound affect that move would have on my life and on Kieran’s life. I would at last remember why I was here, and Kieran at age 10 would make a decision about his life that would confirm why the voice told me to move to Keswick with him……………..

Walking in Keswick

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