The Supermarket Sweep of the Illusive Toilet Paper

‘You can never have enough toilet paper’

– Arse Wipe –

If you go down to the supermarket today you are in for a big surprise. If you go down to the supermarket today you won’t believe your eyes. Because there is panic among those supermarket aisles. The toilet paper zombie apocalypse has begun. Who knew that a simple trip to do the weekly shop has become an assault course of greedy manic shoppers intent on hunting down the illusive toilet roll. Frantically going from aisle to aisle searching for the toilet paper gold. And when they reach the spot where the toilet paper should be, all that can be heard ringing around the supermarket are the cries from a disappointed shopper ‘ Wtf, the greedy bastards have took all the toilet paper’.

Then the real fun starts when the disappointed shoppers start looking around at the other shoppers trolleys, packed full of toilet paper gold. Never mind the ‘coronavirus crisis’ gripping the world, ‘Houston we have a problem’ – ‘the toilet paper crisis. People are losing themselves and their minds and fighting and shouting over bloody toilet paper. I mean come on over toilet paper. What are they doing with this toilet paper? Are they shoving it in every orifice so the coronavirus doesn’t get them. Get a grip people, you don’t need a pallet full of toilet paper in your house, unless you really are a family of arse wipes.

The world isn’t going to run out of toilet paper I promise you. So the next time people you see toilet paper in the shops, just calm down and back away, and please fight the urge to take the whole bloody pallet of toilet paper. We are all in this together and we all need a packet or two of toilet paper in our homes. When the ‘toilet paper crisis’ is over, ask yourself what are you going to do with all that toilet paper blocking up your homes, open a market stall and sell the stuff – Toilet Paper for sale – unused by a greedy manic owner who thought that toilet paper was an endangered species.